"When my heart fears the very worst, I will run to Your word and be safe." - Karen Ehman
Today was an exciting day as we celebrated Braeden's 6th birthday a day early. In getting ready for an afternoon and evening out, I went to Facebook. While Facebook can be a wonderful place to catch up with the goings on, it can also be a scary place where realities hit home. While perusing the site, entries filled my page about Cystic Fibrosis, being that it is its awareness month. So many fundraising opportunities and ways to bring notice to this dreadful disease began flooding in. While those are important, it wasn't where my attention landed. What caught my eye was a post related to a photographer with Cystic Fibrosis who takes pictures of women with the disease. The photos were wonderful in the sense that these women were unashamed to model, yet at the same time, it was devastating. I saw GT tubes, oxygen tanks, scars, and bodies that looked so broken. When I got to the end of the pictures, I saw another post by a girl in her late 20s that was awaiting her second double lung transplant. Her first was rejected. As I watched her 10 minute video, I was in tears. Worries about his future and what would happen flooded my mind. I found myself begging God to let me switch places with Braeden. To completely heal him and let my body take on this wretched disease. Could I handle it better? Absolutely not, but at the very least, I wouldn't have to watch my son struggle through it. As I sit here now, and complete his breathing treatments, I am reminded that there is always a plan. "For my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts bigger than your thoughts, declares the Lord.." God's thoughts are so much more vast than my own. I cannot begin to comprehend the view that He has. But I wonder, "Why?". Why does it have to be Braeden? I feel like prayer is a large part of the answer. Braeden's disease gets people praying, or talking to Jesus as we call it here at home. People who may not be the praying kind lift up their hearts for kids that are sick. They seem to turn to God and ask Him to intercede. My prayer for both of my kids has always been that they would do big things for Jesus, whatever that may be. Maybe this is it. Maybe we struggle so that others can see life. So that others can see a plan. So that others can see Jesus. If that's the reason, then we will keep on keeping on because as Braeden so eloquently reminds me, "when we see Jesus, we will have new bodies with no more breathing stuff."
What does your heart look like? Is it full of fear, or are you able to turn to Jesus so that He can relinquish that fear? It's only a conversation, but it feels so good when you are able to let it go. I understand that He may never choose to take this away. My prayer is that it allows others to see that even though this awful disease is ever present, so is Jesus. And with Him by our side walking us through, we can do anything. It's just that sometimes I need a reminder that, "When my heart fears the very worst, I will run to Your word and be safe." Is your heart safe?
